Beta ya Beti?

Ye Tab Ki Baat Hai, Jab Pappu 5th Class Mein Thha.

Uski Class Ki Ek Teacher Pregnant Thhi, Usko Dekh Ke Ek Din Pappu Bola...

Pappu: Madam Aapko Beta Hone Wala Hai Ya Beti?

Madam Bade Pyar Se Boli: Ye Baat Mujhe Kaisi Pata Hogi?

Pappu: Madam Mujhe Pata Hai Aapko Kya Hone Wala Hai, Aapko Ladka Hone Wala Hai.

Teacher Hairani Se: Arey, Tujhe Ye Baat Kaisi Pata?

Pappu: Mam Vo Jab Aap Chair Pe Pair Utha Ke Beth Ti Ho To Ander Se Uski Mooche Dikhti Hai.

Zip ka funda

Jab Se Mardo Ko Aapas Mein Pyar Karne Ki Permission Mili Hai,
Tab Se Tailor Log Ek Naya Sawal Karne Lage Hai.
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Sir, Aapki Pant Mein Zip Aage Lagani Hai Ya Peeche?

Sex ka maza kis din aaya?

Santa Ne Apni Marrige Anniversery Par Apni Biwi Se Pucha.

Santa: Apni Shaadi Ko Panch Saal Ho Gaye Tere Ko Sex Ka Sabse Jyada Maza Kis Din Ayaa?

Biwi Sharmate Hue: Ji Us Din, Jab Aap Ludhiana Gaye The.

Bhai jara aaram se

Shadi Ke Agle Din Muslim Ladke Se Uske Dosto Ne Pucha...

Dost: Kaisa Raha?

Ladka Rote Hue: Yaaro, Kabhi Apne Relatives Mein Shadi Mat Karna, Zara Sa Zor Lagaya To Boli Aamir Bhai Aaram Se.

RETURNED UNOPENED

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN."

The engraver shortened it to:  "RETURNED UNOPENED"

It's so painful

Woman complaining to dentist: It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.

Dentist: Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.

Good Ambition

Teacher: What do you want to become?

Little Johnny: Doctor !!

Teacher: Why?

Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

Swim Suit

Q: Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
A: To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

Khada kar dungi

4th Class Ke Bachche Ko Ek Teacher Pada Rahi Thi, Par Bache Kafi Shor Macha Rahe Thhe. Tang Aakar Teacher Bachcho Se Boli...

Teacher: "Shor Mat Karo Warna Khada Kar Dungi."

Sab Bachche: Miss Pehle Mera… Pehle Mera… Pehle Mera…

Elephant raped me

Man goes to doctors...

Man: I've been raped by an elephant.

Doctor looks & says: Funny, ur ass is 10 inch wide but an elephant’s cock is only 3' wide.

Man replies: Yes, but  the bastard fingered me first.

Koi takleef to nahi hui hui na?

Suhagrat Pe Patni Ke Sath Bade Aram Aram Se Sex Kiya Taki Use Koi Takleef Na Ho

Agle Din Usne Apni Biwi Se Puchha.

Pati: Tujhe Raat Ko Zyada Dard Ya Takleef To Nahi Hui.

Patni: Nahi, Bohat Maza Aaya, Dard To Tab Hota Tha Jab Main School Mein Thi.

Eiffel Tower aur Khada Lund

Ek Old Couple Paris Mein Ghumne Ke Liye Gaye.

Waha Bada Hi Romantic Mahol Tha, Jise Dekh Ke Budhe Ko Feelings Aa Rahi Thi.

Achanak Se Biwi Boli: Pehle Eiffel Tower Chale Ya Hotel Ke Room?

Husband: Hotel Ke Room Mein Chalte Hai, Eiffel Tower To Kal Bhi Khada Rahega.

Sardar's Underwear

Sardar washed his underwear & hung it to dry near neighbor's panty & put a note on it:

Bhabhi !! Please remind me to remove my underwear when U remove UR panty.

School Chalein Hum

Wife husband ka Lund pakad k boli: Mere Laal, mere shona uth ja na!.

Husband: Is ko choot main lena hai ya school bhejna hai.

Questions and Answers

Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: A genealogist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.

Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.

Q: Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A: A microwave doesn’t scream when you put a piece of meat in it.

Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q: Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they’re not going to work in the future, either.

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp.

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Honey, the prisoner escaped again

The bride tells her husband "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison".

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Simply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!"

I thought It was MONEY

A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired...

When her friends asked her what happened?

She replied : When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years,  I thought It was MONEY

Khade ho jao

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an *****ion.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

Upar ki Kamai

Rishte ki baat chal rahi thi.

Ladkewale: Ladka clerk hai, 4,000 pagaar hai, aur 15,000 upar se kamata hai.

ladkiwale : Ladki nurse hai, 2,500 pagaar hai, aur 50,000 niche se kamati hai.

Le lo, bhai muh me le lo...

Kya Aapne Kabhi Muh Mein Liya Hai?

Woh Mota Sa, Jiske Aas-Paas Baal Hote Hai

Naram-Naram Sa Hota Hai

Aur Uper Ek Cover Bhi Hota Hai

Nahi..?

Jooth Kyu Bolte Ho Yaar?

Kabhi Bhutta Nahi Khaya Kya?

Jor ka Jhataka

Once A Mouse Was Fucking An Elephant In A Coconut Farm.

One Coconut Falls On Elephant's Head.

Elephant: Ouch!

Mouse: Ouch Vouch Kuch Nahi Gandu, Apna Shot To Aisa Hi Hota Hai.

The Ugly Truth

Dark Ugly Woman Walks Into A Store With His Two Sons

Shopkeeper Surporisley Asks To Woman: Are They Twins?

Woman Shocked And Asked: No, Why Did You Ask?

Shopkeeper: Can't Believe Someone Fucked You Twice.

Sex ke pahale...Sex ke baad

Pappu se uski Girlfriend ne masti ke mood mein puchha.
GF: Sex ke pehle chut kaisi dikhti hai?
Pappu: Jaise gulaab
GF: Aur sex ke baad?
Pappu: Sardar ji ke muh ki tarha, jisne thodi der pehle LASSI pi ho.

Hand Job

Sindhi to Prostitute: How much for a hand job?
Lady: Rs 500/- do you want one?
Sindhi: No… No, I was curious to know how much I save when I do it my self.

Salwar ke neeche kya hai?

Ladkiyan salwar ke niche kya pahanti hai ?
Ladkiyan salwar ke niche kya pahanti hai ?
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Socho.. socho……

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Itna bhi galat mat socho.. Salwar ke niche sandle pahanti hai..
Maine salwar ke niche ka puchha hai, salwar ke andar ka nahi… Dirty Mind…!

Gadha aur Sherani

Gadha Sherni se: Darling, I Love You.
Sherni: Chal bhosadi ke apni shakal dekhi hai?
Gadha: shakal ko maar goli, neeche dekh neeche.
Sherni: Oh my God...
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I Love You too.